Article by Erik Smith. Published on Monday, May 16, 2011 EST.

Terrified Lawmakers Pass Routine Bills, Break for Lunch, Adjourn
 

Army of the undead does the “Monster Mash.” 

By Erik Smith

Staff writer/ Washington State Wire

OLYMPIA, May 16.—Fear gripped the statehouse Friday as an army of zombies advanced on the Capitol, but courageous state troopers managed to keep the creatures at bay and the Legislature was saved.
            The resourceful law enforcement officers informed the legions of the undead that if they wished to enter the Capitol building they would have to display picture identification. The tactic thwarted the mindless flesh-eaters, who apparently do not carry drivers’ licenses.

            It was a vast relief to terrified lawmakers, who had been expressing deep concern ever since they were warned Friday morning that the Olympia Fair Budget Coalition was calling all capital-city zombies for a march on the statehouse. Lawmakers spent the day preparing for the attack by passing routine bills, recessing for lunch, and then adjourning. Certainly it was the reason the House didn’t get much done Friday. Or at least the excuse. 
            An undercurrent of dread filled the corridors. A few members ventured out under the Capitol portico and attempted to calm their nerves with cigarettes, muttering things like, “I wonder where those zombies are?”

            Others said the obvious thing: “The Senate isn’t in session today.” 

            A Delightful Protest

            The locally-based protest group assembled at Sylvester Park, about six blocks from the Capitol. At the very least you could say it kept the Legislature in suspense.

            Lobbyists and members alike kept on poking their heads out the door, waiting for the zombies to arrive. Onlookers reminded the uniformed officers of the Washington State Patrol that only head shots would work.

            Finally, about an hour after everyone expected them to show, about 30 twentysomethings in goth makeup lurched up the Capitol steps, moaning and groaning and making noises like zombies are supposed to. You just had to ignore the young woman with the bullhorn who kept on shouting about budget cuts. Since when do zombies talk?

            The only problem was that by the time they got there, the House had already finished its work, and most members were already streaming for the exits.  
            The zombies did a dance to the tune of the “Monster Mash,” then shuffled back to the darkness from which they had come, proving that yes, there is something that moves slower than the Legislature.


Courageous law enforcement officers hold zombies at bay.

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